The Dissatisfaction of the Long Distance Runner

Behind every successful person is a whole load of dissatisfaction. In fact, I’d argue that it is the human predisposition to ultimately desire dissatisfaction because it is the journey toward satisfaction that makes life worth living. Think about it. Setting a goal is sexy, scary and thrilling. The pursuit towards the unknown. The chase and longing to get “there”.

“There” being away from “here” and thus, better than where here is. But when one approaches “here” or reaches “here” and presumably moves from dissatisfied to satisfied something unsettling occurs within the psyche. It' becomes harder and harder to accept that “here” is where one is supposed to be. It feels wrong to be satisfied for too long. Therefore shortly after arriving “here” one makes a new plan to go “there” becoming dissatisfied with “here”.

Rinse and repeat.

Satisfaction is one of the core elements for happiness. Yet it is so hard to maintain satisfaction because change and growth is part of the wonder of being human. We don’t like to be stagnate for very long because that makes us unhappy. But if we cannot appreciate where we are, how can we be satisfied? It is quite the conundrum isn’t it?

Not only does it seem to be in our biology to be dissatisfied, but societal structures reinforce the rat race to the top. Governments and systems must keep their populations striving toward arbitrary things in order for innovation, competition and intellect to continue. I would have a hard time forcing myself to study physics if there wasn’t some extrinsic goal. I am even more motivated to do it when I am dissatisfied with my level of knowledge or a past grade. The improvement is what I seek. The knowledge is great, but those outside markers of success is what the striving is for. Am I happy that I now understand Newton’s Laws of Motion? Of course…but it was the thrill of the chase that kept my nose in a book. I wanted to get “there”. Being “here” now…it a bit underwhelming to say the least.

Dissatisfaction has certainly come into play in my running though now it comes from being unhappy with the effort I gave rather than the place I came in. Though times and podiums are what gets the accolades and is where the money is, tying my satisfaction, and then happiness, to those outcomes seems like a great way to have a short career. I do think dissatisfaction has fueled many of the best performances we’ve ever seen. Think about Jim’s Western States win after two years of failing. Consider all the times Camille has dropped out of races before nailing a world’s best. The inner displeasure that is so unbearable to live with is a crucial element to forward progress.

Wouldn’t it be nice to love ourselves unconditionally and be content with who we are, yet still maintain the inner drive to improve? How is it possible to be satisfied yet want to change? Can we runners be both things simultaneously? I think running gives us just that opportunity. This can be because we are runners, but running isn’t who we are.

Running provides that opportunity to be dissatisfied with one part of our current state. It provides ample opportunity for goal setting, trying something new and internal change. It can fulfill that part of human nature that needs to stride forward while maintaining satisfaction of the whole self.

I read an article a while back about why rich people love endurance sports. The essence of the article was that society’s living standards today are so high and our jobs relatively not physically demanding, we seek out ways to suffer and test ourselves. We are not satisfied with the cushy lifestyle we’ve been told we need and so we use our prosperity to fulfill the human condition to be challenged and work hard. It comes back to the pursuit of satisfaction, being dissatisfied with where we are, is what we actually seek.

When I first heard of ultrarunning, there were loads of things I couldn’t imagine I’d ever do. Looking back on those beliefs today, I have actually been able to achieve a fair bit of them. I bet you could say the same for yourself. Whether it’s run a 5k or 50k, have a family, own a car or home. There are just things that we swear we’d be happier and more satisfied if we were just able to achieve them.

I do not have the answer to society’s happiness conundrum. But I can offer this: life is hard and sometimes it feels awful. However, if you are able to take stock and look at the times you thought “if I could just have that and I’d be happy” and you got it…did it really change all that much? Instead of thinking about how much better life would be “there” reflecting on how far you’ve come and the capable person you are might make you feel a bit less dissatisfied. You might realize how much you’ve change, achieved and done already. You might realize that achieving those things mattered very little in your satisfaction so the things you think might matter in the future won’t matter as much.

I invite you to ponder these things in running, in work or in life. Being dissatisfied with where you are can be a great motivator for change, but never being able to see how much you have done would be a missed opportunity. If you continue to climb the latter of self improvement, while being terrified you’ll lose the last thing you accomplished, is the next accomplishment really worth it? You are allowed to want to continue to grow and change, but it is simply a travesty to constantly strive forward without a little pat on the back simply for being the inherently worthy person you are.