Back to Focus

Somewhere during this cycle I lost focus. I lost the reason I was running this race. I forgot what the purpose was. I started taking my training more seriously than I planned. I dug myself into the hole I specifically planned to avoid.

When I qualified for the Trials at the Hartford Marathon, I promised myself I would enjoy both the build to and the Trials race itself. I didn’t plan to train as hard as I did this past summer, because I knew my body was tired. I knew I had other goals and things I wanted to do in 2020 that didn’t include the marathon. I specifically planned to relax a bit, train hard enough, but knowing I wasn’t going to Atlanta for any other reason than enjoyment.

I lost the focus when I hurt my IT Band.

I lost it more when my family expressed interest in coming.

I lost it further when I got a chest cold.

All I could think about was getting back to hard training. All I wanted to do was crush it and give my best effort.

I forgot the lingering fatigue my body still held from the past 9 months. I forgot how much I had been doing, how hard marathon workouts are for my body. Ironically, ultramarathon training is generally easier on my body. I don’t go anaerobic as often, I recover quicker, my mindset is different. It’s not better or worse, it’s simply a change in stimulus that my body was after.

There’s a reason most high level marathoners do one or two races a year, spaced appropriately, their bodies need time to recover. I know that, and rationally I planned to do just that. I planned to let my body recover as I trained a bit for the Trials. If this doesn’t make sense, what I mean is I was going to run and purposely leave some in the tank. I was going to use this cycle as a base build for ultras later in the year.

With a renewed focus, I will resume doing just that. I have unsuccessfully tried to build up this cycle and speed isn’t feeling too great. After my chest cold, I seem to be unable to force my body into fitness. So I won’t.

I’ve prided myself this past year as someone who listens to her body, no matter what expectations I feel or pressure. This is when I’m happiest and when I find the most fun in running. I have not been listening to my body with my attempts at speed. It’s simply not coming. Miles though, thankfully, are feeling good. I’m so happy that my favorite part of training, just running, feels great. If my body wants to tell me that, I’m for sure going to listen.

The problem I find now is that I’ve dug myself a bit of a hole. Sickness and fatigue has taken its toll and I’ve lost a bit of strength and pep. In order to get out of it, I’ll need to put more focus on my nutrition and be smart about workouts. More calories coming in to make up for what I’ve lost and more rest in and between workouts. I love working hard and value that pain cave, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. 

It’ll come back, but right now I need to respect what I’ve got. Sometimes doing the work, means avoiding certain types of work, which is often the most hard of all.

Onward I shall go, to Atlanta and then to 2020.