A Race In Atlanta

If you had told me nine months ago I’d be running in the Olympic Trials I would have laughed. If you had told me I’d have a plane ride and vacation paid for to run such a race I would have asked you to stop putting ideas into my head. If you had told me I would have come in the top 25% in such a race, I probably would have walked away.

Nine months ago I didn’t believe in myself. Today, I do. Forever I will.

On February 29, 2020 I lined up at 12:20PM with the best marathoners in the country, to compete for a spot on an Olympic team. To say I had a chance to make it would be very lofty thinking, but to get to that starting line healthy and happy was certainly a goal I could shoot for. 

My training leading up to the race was less than stellar, but expected for winter running in Upstate, NY. I had some sickness, a bit of an injury niggle, but mostly just general fatigue stemming from a hard year of racing just to get to this point. I don’t regret that, because it was necessary to be invited to the Trials, but boy did it make the past two months a challenge. It was hard to stay in it mentally this time. Training for a race where I had both no chance to win or PR in a wintery mix of ice and snow wasn’t exactly the Olympic glory one might expect. I didn’t wake up every morning chasing a dream. I woke up tired, in a state of conflicted appreciation for this chance but also realistic about how things were going. Some good runs, some terrible workouts, mostly described by the word “meh”. Such is running, and getting out the door could be a struggle, but I am always generally happier when I get it in.

About a month out from the race I decided to modify the training plan my teammates and I were following because it wasn’t really working for my body. I simply needed something different, and decided to listen to my gut instead of fight it and push on training in an unsustainable way. Once I did that, things started to look up and by the time race week began, my stoke level was pretty high. 

I was running in the Olympic Trials, the work was done, I was ready to enjoy the ride.

We left Ithaca on Thursday, my teammates and I on the same flight. My excitement was off the charts and I felt completely present. I made it, the training was done, this was our time. 

The Atlanta Track Club put on a killer of an event. I felt completely taken care of and like an elite. They got us off the plane, to the hotel and helped shuffle us around all weekend. All our meals were close, there was always a few options of things to do, but also the comfort of the hotel helped me relax. I could retreat and rest when I needed it. I really enjoyed being in the athlete hotel because I met so many other people, both elite athletes and coaches, many of whom inspired my running or provided guidance when I felt lost. All the other runners definitely kept my excitement high and by race morning I felt like I was with my friends. I cannot do this feeling justice, but I wasn’t worried about the hurt of the race I was about to start, more just fulfilled, present and happy to be there.

The race itself had to be the most unique experience of my career. The course was three eight-mile loops with a “victory lap” of two miles at the end. I was put in the 4th corral towards the back, my teammates were in the 3rd corral. There were almost 500 women in the race, so a staggered start made a lot of sense. We were given a half mile stretch to warm up and do strides while the men took off at 12:08. At 12:20, the gun sounded and I was held back a bit to start, which was fine because I planned to go out conservatively and feel out the first loop. 

I couldn’t stop smiling for the first 8 miles. I have never experienced crowd support for an entire race and it was wonderful. I knew I was going to eventually be in pain, but getting into a negative thought pattern never really happened. I was at the Olympic Trials! How incredible is this experience? That fueled the first loop and the miles seemed to flow. The second loop is where things did start to get harder. I was working, but the hills began to grind (1300ft of elevation) and I began to devote more energy toward being smart and steady. My mantra in races is always “relax” and I focus on breathing easy. I don’t ever check my watch during races, devoting more attention to my effort. Every time I saw a time clock I actually just thought of where the men must be and hoping everyone was having a good day. The second loop was when I started noticing carnage. People hobbling or stepping off. Thankfully, no injury or gut issue plagued me, so I didn’t ever feel like I’d rather drop or be somewhere else. Being uncomfortable and accepting pain to be there is something ultrarunning has blessed me with, so although it hurt I knew it most likely wouldn’t get worse and it was up to me to just keep going. 

It’s an odd feeling, being in pain but also wanting to keep that feeling, keep running because this race was the Olympic Trials. There was no place I’d rather be, no feeling I’d rather have than that pain in that moment. 

The last loop things started to get hard. Having so many women to run with was a blessing here because instead of focusing on the hurt in my feet and legs, I simply played a game of catch up. I just tried to get to the next woman ahead of me, not to compete, but to run with them for a while. To have a buddy. Then I picked up the next person. I was fortunate to run with my training buddy Chelsea for a while, which was even more comforting because she’s like a rock and gives me some positive vibes just for being there and being herself. In the last loop I tried really hard to remain in the moment. I both wanted to be done, but also for the last few miles to last...until mile 25 when we hit both an uphill and a wind tunnel. I felt like I was going backwards, it was almost funny. Finally I saw a sign with 800 meters to go, then 400, then 200. Oh my God I was about to finish the Olympic Trials marathon!

I crossed the finish line with a time of 2:44:59, 121st place.

To be quite honest, I’m still riding that stoke. I want to run, but I’m also good with resting my legs right now. They need a break and I know I need one mentally as well. Last night I was talking to Eric Schrantz of Ultrarunner Podcast and he asked what things I would do differently in the race. To be honest, I feel like I did things pretty much ok. I know when I am giving it an honest, hard effort. I know when I run within my abilities. I know when I am being a competitor. I believe I did that. Sure, in a few weeks or late at night I may think I could have done things better, but to be honest, I’m just going to be happy right now. A combination of luck and effort is what makes each race special. I didn’t hit any potholes, pull anything or have stomach issues. I was able to put in an effort that matched my fitness. That’s all I can really ask for. 

Thank you to everyone who supported me. Thank you for every kind word, note of confidence or prayer. Thank you to Red Newt Racing and Tracksmith for financial support. Thank you to Collegetown Bagels for being so positive and helping me figure out a way to make this work. Thank you to FLRTC and FLRC for running with us, keeping my feet in shoes and providing emotional relief. Thank you to Bailey Drewes, Chelsea Benson, Ved Gund, Luca Moreschini and Bella Burda for making me better. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. Thank you Ian, Amelia and Zoe. 

That’s all I’ve got for now. See you out there.