I google “How To Run”Everyday

I still don’t know about this running thing.

Running both breaks my heart while also filling it so deeply I don’t know how I ever got along without it. I suppose if I didn’t find running I would have fallen into something else. I think it would have been US History cosplay. Once, when I was about 10, I did a Civil War reenactment with my 4H club and it might have been one of the highlights of my life at the time. Come to think of it, I still regard that weekend as a highlight of my life. Halloween and dressing up for church never really appealed but get at me with those hoop skirts, bodices, and hard tack. I also never seem to be able to leave the US wartime history genre in fiction books. It was such a wild time, and one that I grew up somehow believing the people who lived during that time we’re fully onboard with it. It really wasn’t until COVID, where I myself was literally a participant in history being made, that I realized how shitty it actually is to be in the history books. In 100 years (and a few more pandemics) I can imagine those APUSH students trying to study and understand what went on here during 2020-2021.

Wait…this is a blog about running. Right…running. I’m doing some of it.

After going through my foot tendonitis issue I seemed to have developed a hamstring tendonitis in the opposite leg. Good news is my feet are strong and healthy again. Bad news is that my chronic dehydration and over usage patterns have introduced a soreness in my leg that makes running fast very uncomfortable. Good news is that I can run slow and on trails very well and happily. Bad news is that racing seems a bit daunting at this point because I am unable to access the gear that I need to perform to my standard. I have been successfully getting out for 2-3 hour runs and doing workouts on the indoor elliptical machine. I feel like my fitness is building but until I can access my full leg strength my racing is kind of dealer’s choice. Some days I feel no soreness in my hamstring, other days I feel it after runs. With my PT and trying to stay hydrated it is healing but healing is slow. My focus right now is the 20 miles between Foresthill and the River where I will pace Riley on June 24th. I am confident I can do that, so at the end of the day I am headed in the right direction.

My friend Art Byram once remarked that his body goes in yearly cycles with running. One year it is all good, then the next is riddled with injury, the next being good again. I figure my body is cycling through that too. Coming off my first 100 miler and first year running professionally, I try to rationalize my lack of performance and racing since last June. I had a really great year leading up to that. A 6:20 fifty miler, my first 100k, Bandera, Gorge, Western States. My body really gave me what I needed. Now it needs something else from me.

Currently my training mixes easy trail running and cross training on the elliptical. I’ve been in this place before many times in the 10 years I’ve been running. I forget that sometimes. I forget how often I was injured or burnt out or just plain tired when I started running. Back then I didn’t have a log or really care all that much about it. Reflecting on it this morning during a run with my friend Zoe, I was obsessive about it, but not in a data tracking way. I was obsessive because back then I was using running to heal. I had to start my day with a run in order to function. First it was to quiet the eating disorder demons in my head and burn some energy. Then when I realized that in order to run I had to eat, running facilitated food consumption and helped me learn how to eat again. I remember getting sore, feeling pains and substituting running with cross-training to provide that same sense of inner-peace. I cannot say it I didn’t accidentally go on some “diet” rabbit holes while rediscovering nutrition. Back then there were a lot more blogs of 20 something women who loved their protein pancakes (egg whites an powder YUM!) kale smoothies (let’s just blend a salad it’s so good!) and other “strong not skinny” shit I was tempted by. They also seemed to LUUUUURVEEE nut butter, so that’s probably where they hooked me though I doubt it was my preferred Skippy Super Chunk because HFCS and all that. Let’s just say my affinity for Cheetos came later. I guess I write this to remind myself that though I seem to be broken so much the past 6 months, it only feels worse because my running story isn’t my own anymore. I don’t hide it. I have a community of people who are just as weird as I am and don’t see our sport as a diet or fitness biohack. We do it because we love it and we love each other. This is wonderful but also has made my running since Western States feel like this terrible death sentence. More frequently do I wonder if I’ll ever heal completely. My perspective has changed due to the visibility I have and the vastness to which my sport has risen. I do not have specific commentary on that point right now, but writing this illuminates the reality that I’ve had niggles and injuries before and HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH THEM. I trained for my first 100k on the elliptical. I have taken time off. I can run every few days and stay happy and sane. Running is just silly sometimes and I get through it.

Though running is continually weird, I am lucky to be one of the founding members of the best sports cafe in Boulder. The reviews are all 5 stars and feedback has been constructive, meaning it’s mostly valid and if I can make the changes I do. It is one of the most rewarding jobs I’ve ever had and though some days I wish I could just show up to work and go through the motions, I largely enjoy the daily challenges of managing a very brand recognizable company. A large percentage of the customer base has used or at least heard of Skratch before meaning they are VERY EXCITED to come in and see us. I am continually blown away by the depth of personality and outdoorsy composition of Boulder though I have not bought a bike, skis, a climbing pass or a helmet of any kind. Too much running to do and I am so grateful everyday to do that I don’t want to waste time doing something else. However, like every armchair quarterback in America, I am an endurance sports nerd so I am fully here for anything any skinny white dude in Lycra wants to tell me as long as they buy something. Hey fellas my attention can be bought so swipe that card and then I will boost your ego all you want. The thing I enjoy most about the cafe is the staff we hired. There is one athlete on our roster outside of myself and though I thought I’d hire more, I am glad I didn’t. I enjoy learning about things that aren’t endurance sports and talking to humans who have hobbies that don’t involve VO2Max. I talk to chef N about books, R about his random band called Sun God, S about Ithaca and climbing and the kitchen staff about music or the best place to get Buffalo chicken pizza (hint: nowhere it’s a damn shame). These relationships are so rewarding and bring me out of my running-induced tiny world into a larger one where my problems blissfully don’t matter as much because they value me as a person and boss. Also, who cares about your niggle when there is a hydration station keg to change? If every human was forced to work in customer service for a year the world would be a better place.

To sum up this reflection and my past two months of life, it goes on. I am Ellie Pell. I am not afraid.