Blind Spots
I automatically assume others can feel what I feel, can see what I see.
My decisions are unconsciously dictated by certain things I am unaware of or have taught myself to ignore. These emotional blind spots prevent me from both establishing a meaningful connection to another or fully comprehending a situation.
A quick example would be only reading one type of news or adhering to one style of training. I unconsciously ignore other things and base my thinking around what I’ve experienced or read. In order to understand or implement things in the best way, I have to open myself up to other ways of doing things, other ways to think.
In the past week, I felt a pull to call me father and ask him about what he experienced while watching his fellow republicans storm the Capital. I wondered how he felt seeing people who voted for the same man commit a terrorist attack on a baseless claim of election fraud. This is the ultimate “sore-loser”.
Even though I wanted to do this, I knew my mind and reactions had to be in top shape before I opened myself up to what he said. I had to come at this from his perspective (which is impossible to know) and understand why he and his comrades feel the way they feel (don’t Google this, it’s so sad how delusional they are). He is my father and I love him, it was important to me to speak with him.
The week before the call I practiced what I would say for every scenario. Whatever he said, I needed to tell him I loved him no matter what, even if I don’t understand. I do not believe the lies he does in my logical brain, but I understand being so emotionally tied to an idea. I understand why he believes what he does, even if it is untrue. He has spent the past 4 years being lied to by Fox News. It is essentially brain-washing and infuriating, but there is nothing I can do.
Except love him, and pray he eventually understands.
Getting mad at him, for not knowing the truth, is pointless. It’s been easier for me to think about it in terms of explaining cell respiration to a 7 year old. They have no idea why I believe in these symbols or why they letters have numbers. They know they breathe air and it’s magic (or God created it) and that works for them. My father is of a similar vein. Rather than disprove or explain statistics, he doesn’t understand them, so therefore I am wrong.
It’s a sad way to live, not wanting to believe in science or change his way of thinking based on new evidence, but that is who I’ve got. And I love him.
My own blind spots came out in full force. I went through everything I believed about him, about myself and my political beliefs…and tried to disprove what I saw as fact. I dismantled and ignored past trauma and the terrible things his political allies have done. I stripped our relationship down to just the good things he’s done for me and the relationship between father and daughter.
God damn it was hard. I’ve spent so much time building walls. I have convinced myself any republican is willfully ignorant. It is so sad to see how politically decisive I didn’t realize I was. I have a lot of work to do myself, to not see the people who stormed the Capital as the norm.
These people are not the norm. They are terrorists. My father is not a terrorist.
And neither are your friends and family who have good hearts but poor methods.
Those are my blind spots, what are yours?