Value Check-in: What Brings Joy
When I feel lost or unsure of what decisions to make, my brain begins to freak out. Every choice seems overwhelming. I succeed in convincing myself that the choice of what socks to put on will impact my whole day and therefore influence my life. If I look at the bigger picture too often, I can end up worrying about the future and past choices of Ellie and what they will mean.
How smart was it to apply to school again?
becomes
Should I go back? It will be so expensive!
becomes
What if the pandemic never leaves, I lose my job, lose my car, am in debt again?!
Now the vision of my future self is a person sitting on the sidewalk in mid-February outside the gas station bumming for cigarettes. No shame to those who find themselves in that situation, it’s incredibly hard and scary and takes a lot of work to get out of.
After a few days of mind-circling exercises of possible scenarios where I might fail, I being to enter reality again bringing my mind back to center. I find it easier to do this when I check-in with the values I have for myself, and whether the decisions or choices I have are aligned with those.
I want to be financially secure enough for emergencies and to be content without excess.
I want to be healthy to run everyday and share it with others.
I want to encourage others in the pursuit of their dreams and towards what makes them happy.
I want to continue learning, always challenging myself and my beliefs without judgment.
I think a often about hedonic adaption, the process of adapting to our circumstances despite acquiring more and more. The baseline for happiness continue to rise despite society being better off and more rich than ever. I think of it like the frog sitting in water, where the temperature is slowly raised until suddenly it’s boiling and the frog didn’t realize it.
Have you ever had a moment where you thought “if this is the best life gets, I’ll be happy forever” or “I accomplished this and feel so good! Nothing could ever make me feel less of a [insert noun here],”?
I remember feeling that way after qualifying for the Olympic Trials. I remember feeling that way when I paid off my last debt.
Well how do you feel today? How did you feel watching the people storm the capital? I know I felt a bit like my life was terrible at that point. The thing is, it’s not like today’s events have taken away what I’ve accomplished. These events haven’t stopped me personally from living within my values. But I see those people, those Americans, and I see myself. Maybe I have a bit more impulse control and straight thinking to never do something like that over a disagreement. But we’ve all felt that passion at some point.
We believe that losing an election, a race, an argument, is the end of the world. It’s so short-sighted, but also makes sense. These feelings are hard, life is hard. It is so overwhelming. When I am overwhelmed, it is hard for my brain to think straight (the circling) and I either dive into despair or make a rash decision.
When I am feeling like this, after a while, I know logically I am so lucky, blessed and rich, and the exercise of remembering my values, helps to bring me out of that pit. It helps me analyze my choices and decisions in a better way. It also helps me zoom out and realize that the color of my socks will not influence my day in a meaningful way. The pressure is taken off making decisions if I feel I am making them in accordance with the person I want to be.
I work hard at resisting the temptation to always want more. It’s much easier to appreciate what I have, than remain in the rat race of achievement. Getting off the wheel means I am always satisfied, never longing for what I don’t have.
if you value the wrong things, it doesn’t matter how hard you work or how productive you are, you’re going to end up in the wrong place—similarly, if you ask the wrong questions, it doesn’t matter how much data you collect, or how many studies you commission, your answers will be meaningless.
-Mark Manson
