An Easy Day to Dig Deep

Waking up and lacing my shoes is a habit.

Walking out the door, starting my watch and moving is routine.

Coming inside after my run, heating water for tea and oatmeal, second nature.

What comes in between?

My feet tread lightly down the stairs in the dark, illuminated by a headlamp or sun peaking over the horizon. Another easy day, I tell myself, just start moving. The excitement I had last night thinking about my morning jaunt replaced by groggy movements.

I have nothing else to do today, maybe I should sleep more?

Shouldn’t I be jumping out of bed ready to start?

No, not everyday is like that. Usually they begin like this. Telling myself to start, my legs remembering how much they appreciate movement, my mind waking up to the beauty surrounding me.

This morning I begin alone, the first hour solo. I’m meeting a friend at the end to help her start her workout, so my ears get a podcast and I swing in and out of it. Usually I just want a companion to buffer negativity if I need it. Other times I want to hear or learn what the host has to say. This morning though, I go between my inner thoughts and the voices.

My legs are prickly and my butt sore from yesterday’s hill workout and gym session. To be expected. One foot in front of the other, I’ve got to make it to the track, I told my teammate I would after all.

The wind picks up so I choose a hilly route to avoid the gusts. It’s not supposed to rain anymore today said my phone but the clouds have other plans. As the rain pelts my face, I tune into the podcast the hosts talking the transition from college running to adult life and running.

I think about my past. I did not run in college. My mindset and body at the time would not have thrived.

It would now though. Sometimes I wish I had that experience.

How fast would I be? How would my experience have changed?

I remind myself I would most likely not be running now if I ran then. My mental and physical health too weak, my support system toxic. It’s a shame, but it made me strong today.

I am strong today, I remind myself as the wind picks up at the top of the hill. The sun looks like it is going to make an appearance, but the rain wants to finish it’s tantrum first. I remember that I am meeting a teammate today. I have a team and support system here.

The amount of times I remind myself to be content is astounding. It used to be so much worse actually. It took my so long to be satisfied with who I was, what I had and where I am. The rat race I felt compelled to participate in, motivated too much by money, fame, awards.

It’s exhausting, I remind myself coming out of the headwind, the campus building providing a nice barrier now. Mental note to send that email to that company telling them I would like to sever our sponsorship in 2021. Be nice, I tell myself, it’s not them, it’s you. I simply don’t want to do it anymore.

I’m almost to my teammate and I feel bad for her, this rain and wind would suck for a workout. Out loud I thank baby Jesus for the better weather we had yesterday. Part of my wonders if I should just stay and cheer her on while she workouts…but honestly I’m getting tired now and ready for some breakfast.

I see her and my mood lightens even more. The rain is at it’s hardest, but at least we are together. She apologizes for bailing yesterday, I respond with “I was planning to bail too”. We laugh and I silently pray the wind and raid stops for her. A few laps of campus and she’s warmed up enough to begin her stretches and drills. I say goodbye, until next week, when we shall sync up again.

As I leave her, the wind remains but the sun peaks above the clouds and the rain slows. I put my headphones in again but can barely hear the hosts in the wind. I begin to think about breakfast and lunch.

I used to feel bad for thinking about food while running. Another shame from my past.

If you didn’t have an eating disorder you wouldn’t think about food!

Why the fuck would I be told that? I love food. Everyone loves food. Why shouldn’t I think about it sometimes? Ah, what I wish I could have told my younger self. Tune back into the podcast for a second, then back to breakfast.

Oatmeal, banana and peanut butter are always the standard. I remembered some granola and chocolate almonds on the shelf. Yes, perfect and tasty.

Suddenly I’m turning onto my street, tuning back into my body. Pretty solid run for a Saturday. 12 miles, legs feeling like they should. My feet are telling me I need a new pair of shoes. That can be addressed later.

Right now, I’m home. I come in greeting my roommate and turn on my tea kettle. I found that the length of time it takes to boil is the amount of time it takes for my post-run stretches and drills. Today I think about skipping them, which I hardly ever do.

I don’t though.

Turning on my tea kettle is a habit.

Stretching and drills are a routine.

Eating a health breakfast is second nature.

This is what I do, easy, medium or hard days. It’s what I do.