I Will Not Be Afraid
I am Ellie Pell. I will not be afraid.
I am Ellie Pell. I will not be afraid.
This phrase has been my most frequent running mantra this fall. I’ve spent the past few years searching for toughness, putting myself in situations to work on both my physical and mental game. This doesn’t just mean stepping outside into an ice storm for a 20 miler (though that did happen a few weeks ago), but it means stepping into tough conversations, being vulnerable and being the truest expression of myself.
I am a lot to handle sometimes. I even don’t know what to do with what I am. That terrifies me.
Correction, that used to terrify me. It doesn’t really anymore. Or at least, not much. I am who I am, a constantly changing human being living in a world where people are complicated, things are unfair and most of us do our best with what we’ve got. I’ve got to believe that because it keeps me going. It helps me see the beautiful world in which I cohabitate even if the past two years have felt like a slow drowning. Right now it feels like first world countries (the US specifically) is at the point in the water where the oxygen is almost completely used up in the brain and there is this blissful unawareness that death is imminent. There is no longer a cause for concern and we float away. A third wave of a virus, two years of masks, rules, fighting, we humans, are spent.
The drowning person has one chance left. They must fight through the oxygen depleted brain unconsciousness and see that they must push toward the surface a bit longer and they will survive. It’s so hard to do. It’s much easier to just let go and ignore the fast approaching catastrophe. It feels so good to float away after fighting so hard and losing. This is the point in the pandemic we’ve come to. This is the point where we must press on until this wave is over at which point, I believe COVID will reach “seasonal flu” like categorization and hopefully we start to heal. It happened this past summer. It felt so nice to see faces, hug and kiss without worry, not even think about the pandemic for days or weeks at a time. We are so close. It’s not the time to give up just yet.
I am Ellie Pell. I will not be afraid.
Racing in 2021 was great. Running was up and down. I dealt with a foot injury to start the year which kept me off the roads and on an elliptical. I got really fit from it, but not road running race fit, more aerobic race fit. It held pretty well for my summer of trail and ultraracing. The healing process was long and it was difficult to stay the course during those long (oh so long!) elliptical sessions. However as summer changed to fall, I noticed I had put together a lot of weeks with mostly running and healthy feet. I continue to work hard everyday to strengthen the tendons, ligaments and joints in them.
I have amassed a nice racing resume this year with a few wins, one second place and one DNF. The DNF was hard to take, as I only got a mile into the race before muscle injury occurred, but was able to reschedule my first 100k and finish first at Virgil Crest a few weeks later. I would not trade that race for finishing my DNF. It was an incredible experience near my hometown with the people I love. I also got to see my two friends Amelia and Riley finish the 100 miler and spend two days immersed in the trail running community I missed so much in 2020.
About a month later I ran a 50 miler on the roads and set a new PR there with a 6:21. Unknown to me at the time, I held the fastest 50 mile time for women in the US for a few weeks! It has since been broken twice and I now sit in third. That was so much fun but exacerbated my collapsed arches signaling some self PT and temporary inserts in my shoes. It has helped a lot and I can honestly say, my feet are the strongest they’ve ever been. Now about this knot in my back that has recently come up…
Since the beginning of November I’ve been training for Bandera 100k, which is about a week away. I cannot tell you how excited I am to leave Upstate NY for the first time in two years! I am also excited to take this mini-vacation (we’re going for three total days so it really is mini) with two other fabulous trail runners, David Hedges and Riley Brady. My training for this race has been what I needed it to be. Consistent with nothing fancy or crazy. I wanted to get comfortable running for two hours at a time consistently. I feel like I am in that fitness and my aerobic engine is ready to fire. I peaked during the week of Thanksgiving at 80 miles, doing 60 of them in a three days span. I mostly hung around 65 miles a week plus two days of full body strength work, three days of core work/hurdle drills, twice weekly strides and mountain legs after easy runs.
I feel like bolding that because it reminds me that my body feels good and ready right now. I traded a lot of mileage for injury prevention and strength work. This works well for me and I am happy here.
After Bandera, my calendar is open. Not sure if I want to start reaching for that Trials standard (woof 2:37! I don’t know if it’s possible) or continue to work towards my first 100 miler next fall. First thing will be an off period till later February, substitute teaching and figuring out what grad program I want to go to.
I am Ellie Pell. I will not be afraid.
