Endless Scrolling

I just can’t do it anymore. I need to write about it, so I remember why.

It doesn’t have to be a time suck. I can just post for my sponsors, answer questions from followers and then shut it down. I can just read the news from newspapers in the morning instead of Twitter. I don’t need the stimulation. It does nothing for my brain, I’m no smarter, I mostly get more anxious.

Since I started working at the new location, it began to be so busy at work when I ate I simply wanted to sit, enjoy my food and be still. Crazy right? Imagine simply eating, looking out the window and enjoying the break. I didn’t have the time or want to scroll anymore. It seemed silly, especially when it made my break seem to go by faster.

So I stopped. I haven’t scrolled social media in over a month, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything important.

I know the virus is still here, I can feel the mask on my face.

I know the west is burning due to climate change, and it will only get worse.

I know RBG died last night, and my heart feels the same as it did when Trump was elected.

Deflated, tired, sad.

I don’t grieve for myself, but for others who are more affected. I am taken care of at arms length. But I’m a feeler when it comes to the plight of others. I use this as a way to not feel my own emotions, or at least provide context to my feelings and let them pass more easily. I get more angry when I feel those at a disadvantage are thrown to the wolves time and time again.

I don’t care if I ever race again, if I never retire from working, if I never know what it means to be wealthy. I don’t value those things.

But I cannot stand it that people, for nothing they’ve done wrong, are in situations they shouldn’t have to deal with. It boggles my mind that the leadership in the country is lying to people and actively making laws and policies to keep women and minorities in problematic situations. It boggles my mind that it is controversial to take care of the earth.

For those reasons, I cannot continue to scroll. I cannot continue to just hear people’s “hot takes” or opinions and nothing changes. The people voting and electing people to office aren’t on twitter or Instagram, they’re the nice white parents from the suburbs who want to keep the status quo. I’ve said it before, white women elected Trump because they were too busy or lazy to be educated on the rights he’s taking from them.

It’s nice to have my feed reaffirm my beliefs that America is going to shit. It’s appropriate to share ideas and make each other stronger. But after a while, I realized that I don’t want to hear the same opinions and same rants, no matter how valid they are. It’s too much. It’s not helpful and it doesn’t put me in a mental space to make change. It makes me sad, so I don’t do anything but think about it.

I am inspired to make changes and empower people when I feel good about myself, when I feel like there’s hope. I do not feel that way scrolling social media, no matter how many relationships it has given to me. I respect those, I maintain a presence, but the scrolling has come to an end for now.

My truth is that I am lucky. The truth is that there are people on social media who need to speak their truth more than me right now. My truth is that I understand their plight and respect it, but I don’t need to read about it more than once.

On the NYT

In the morning

After which I read something else that puts my mind in a better place for work and to be my creative, funky self.

My friends are there off social media, the world keeps turning.

I don’t need to scroll to remember that.