High Cholesterol and Other Healthisms
Last week I got some blood work done and received the results. First off, I am lucky to get a few tests from my sponsor each year, but prior to that I did not take the time to get regular blood work done. Data is power, but it is not everything, so if you can afford it or have HSA or insurance that covers it, these readings might be good to know. For those of us that do not, it’s usually a safe bet to take a Vitamin D, Iron and if you don’t eat much meat, a b12 supplement. I also take a boron pill 2x each day when I have a niggle, and once a day when I do not. This is recommended to me by a doctor at the beginning of my running career to help with bone and ligament health. Whether it works or not, whether any of these vitamins do anything is up for debate, but I believe wholeheartedly in the placebo effect so pop em if you think it helps.
Back to my personal blood test results. I have high cholesterol. I wish I could say I was prepared for this (family history) I can honestly say I wasn’t. I think I eat pretty well, I obviously exercise, I sleep 8-9 hours each night, and my hobbies outside of work are running and reading. I try to live a low stress life outside of my activities both because I enjoy it, but also the rest and quiet helps me show up fully for the people and situations that need a lot of energy.
I tried my best not to scroll so as to fuck up the algorithms that currently provide delicious ways to eat butter noodles for “healthy cholesterol lowering meals” and instead spoke to my dietitian, who is provided to me by my work. I know it’s really hard to justify a dietician for most people and this is why there is a robust online wellness culture, but at the very least, talk to your doctor about blood work that might indicate a diet modification. For reasoning why, I have found the Maintenance Phase podcast and the Nutrition For Mortals podcast to be very educating on bunk science, how to understand research and why it’s important to see health care professionals that do not use weight or body shape/size to diagnose and treat. I also think this podcast between Jameela Jamil and Aubrey Gordon to be absolutely fan-fucking-tastic so take notes.
To start this topic, I want to ask: do I look like I have high cholesterol?
Really, what comes to your mind when you think of someone with high cholesterol? Is it me? Is it your dad? What color is their skin? What is their body size? Do they exercise? Are they sitting in a chair? Are they poor?
I consider myself pretty woke. I wear that with pride thank you very much. But I also understand the nuances of health, how most things are on a spectrum, and what society says health looks like is often not true. However, this diagnosis brought up the paradox of health that thin, white, heteronormative people must learn to grapple with. I do all the right things, for my body, taking into account what doctors have told me, what I understand from my science degree, and just understanding what feels good to me. My dietician was shocked actually that my levels were what they were, but this made something abundantly clear to me; health is NOT a choice. We are dealt the cards we are dealt and we can do the best in the moment, but many things, including those considered “lifestyle choices” are simply not. I am simplifying it here, but suffice to say, even people who do the right things get sick. I hope you’re sitting down because this next sentence is a doozy. I also believe that fatness and obesity are not a choice, nor do I believe they are a bad thing. I am currently in the process of decoupling my negative association of the word fat, and am trying to think of it like a description word akin to height or eye color. Not good or bad (though there is another conversation about height and how society views “good” and “bad” heights depending on gender but I digress) but just something that is. Ideally we’d all get to a place where saying “you’re fat” or “I’m fat” feels like saying “I’m 5’9” and using the word fat doesn’t also come with all the caveats “you’ve got such a pretty face!” Or “I don’t mean that in a negative way, curves look great on you!” But I don’t think society is there and the progress being made, though happening, is slow.
I do not claim to be there yet because this particular thing is a paradox. I know personally how it feels to be fat, called fat, looked at as lazy, stupid, lacking self-control. I think the most times I’ve cried in my life have been after someone in my childhood called me fat or a cow and anything I said after that had no significance. I was experiencing ad hominem, a fallacy employed by people in positions of power or wealth to attack someone personally rather than use logic to dispute their argument or opinion. It is still assumed in society that if a person is fat that:
They do not want to be that way
A lack of self control got them that way
They would change if they could
The reason they do not become thin is due to laziness or lack of hard work/willpower
This brings up another fallacy called hasty generalization, where I attribute things I do not like about myself (sloth, laziness, lack of control) to a whole population of people (fat people). In my mind, it is my lack of control, my sweet/salty/fatty craving, my inability to control myself, that would make me bloated or fat. Therefore, it must be the case for everyone else who is (has) fat. This is hard to write, but these nasty beliefs become less true when I write them or speak them. I am dismantling my own preconceived societal beliefs in real time, and it’s messy, difficult and makes me feel ashamed. Fallacies like the two I’ve mentioned help explain the human condition. Rather than sigh dramatically and let myself off the hook as, “this is just how it is!” I am confronted now with health issues that, to no fault of my own, categorize me in a group I previously looked down upon, even unconsciously.
I’ve been vegan. I’ve had disordered eating. I’ve made pancakes without flour. I’ve blended kale into those pancakes. None of that shit was helpful in anything other than making me feel holier than thou for about 10 minutes and feel part of a weird mommy-blogging-influenced crowd. Which quickly gets old and made me hungry.
Now I just do my best. High cholesterol and all; because health is not a fucking choice.
So sit down.